So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
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I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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