How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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