The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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