You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
