you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
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You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
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You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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