I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
