Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
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We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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