It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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