Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
