how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
