I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
