Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I could have mohawked her pubes.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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