We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
