wakey wakey hands off snakey
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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