You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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