Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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