Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
