She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
