angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
