it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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