oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize