I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
