You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
