someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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