***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
