That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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