I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
