I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
