I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
