ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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