wakey wakey hands off snakey
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Randomize
