I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize