Porn is love you can see.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
