I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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