now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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