I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm like, not good at living.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
