How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
