i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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