I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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