who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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