all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
