I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
