took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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