Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
