Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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