I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
