I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
