Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
