Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize