So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
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we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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