Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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