Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
