You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I want her autograph on my taint
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
