Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
