That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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