The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
