The maid of honor just puked.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
