I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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