yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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