i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
