Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
